Browsing All Posts filed under »Humour«

The Rise of Mighty Cleggron.

May 12, 2010


A Guide to Dreams.

April 5, 2010


I recently had one of those dreams where you’re at school doing exams that you’re ill-prepared for. But it was worse, because the course was 70% continual assessment. So I was there for two years. In my pants. This harrowing experience has lead me to believe that people need help to conquer their dreams, and […]

A Guide to Relationships.

March 13, 2010


Last night, one of the most popular trends on Twitter was the #relationshiptips hashtag. ‘Good’, I thought, ‘surely much wisdom will be imparted here.’ But no. 90% of the tweets therein were along the lines of ‘bitches always be illin in my face’ or ‘keep God first’. ‘No’, I thought, ‘that’s not helpful enough for […]

Saving the Greetings Industry : A Proposal.

February 17, 2010


This recently-unearthed transcript from a well-known TV programme shows how a group of young go-getters with strong business heads on their shoulders attempted to revitalize the British greetings industry. Unfortunately, the show in question was pulled at the last minute owing to the quantity of graphic language and intense battle violence, or who knows, we […]

Goodnight II

February 10, 2010


Here’s a fresh batch of Goodnight tweets. I’ve been a bit nocturnal lately, so many will have missed a lot of them. “Grr…Argh.” Goodnight. With the introduction of ASCII to the modern seance, spirits now knock 89 times for ‘Y’ or 78 for ‘N’. Goodnight. That unnerving heartbeat you can hear is almost certainly just […]


February 6, 2010


Today marks my first full year on Twitter. To mark this historic event, I’ve pulled out a little selection of non-sequiturs from those twelve months. Endure! In the army, a workplace romance is known as tanky panky. As good as Venus and Serena are, they will always live in the shadow of their grandfather, Tennisy […]

Blair – The Evidence.

January 24, 2010


These days, Tony Blair blithely states that he went into Iraq simply because “it felt good, baby”, but back then it was a different story. His overwhelming fear then was one of nuclear ballistic robots, and the very real possibility that Saddam might already have possessed such nightmare tech in an imagined future reality. During […]


January 22, 2010


Welcome. In my time on Twitter, I’ve made one rod for my back; the Goodnight tweet. I get a lot of feedback on these sign-offs, mostly from insomniacs, and as a consequence I lose sleep myself each night trying to think of something new to say (they mostly come at night. Mostly). The first thing […]