Browsing All Posts filed under »Goodnight«

Goodnight X: Goodneighbour II – Goodneighbourer.

May 26, 2011

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More simple suggestions on how to seem more like those around you.   When the new neighbours move in, give them a missing dog poster with a picture of a local dog you like. See if they can get it. Instead of “first pet” and “mother’s maiden name” banking security questions should be based on […]

Goodnight IX : Goodneighbour.

April 18, 2011

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More important information about blending with the community.   Get out of watering a neighbour’s houseplants by muttering things like “yeah, I’ll water them alright” and laughing to yourself. In fact, agreeing to do someone a favour in an unsettling sardonic tone will get you out of almost any task; try it next time someone […]

Goodnight VIII

March 14, 2011

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More advice from the small hours. It’s mostly about how to be a great neighbour.     When popping unwanted food through your neighbour’s door with a note saying “I couldn’t finish this”, remember to bag it first. An unsigned note through your neighbours’ doors reading “I want it back by midnight” will reveal who […]

Goodnight VII

February 14, 2011

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More important lifestyle advice normally imparted at times when only Atlanteans are awake.     Goodnight… Put a Valentine card to yourself through a neighbour’s door. When they bring it round, ignore their denials that it’s from them. Avoid being asked to look after neighbours’ pets by simply having forty or fifty lollipop stick crosses stuck in […]

Goodnight VI

December 3, 2010

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More valuable pieces in the map to the land of Nod. Goodnight… Don’t worry, it’ll be just like going to sleep. It’s commonly known that ghosts are primarily composed of sheets. It’s less known that most statues are over-starched ghosts. Sometimes a thing with a goat’s face is just a goat. If you’re getting less […]

Goodnight IV

July 29, 2010

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More of the advice that has helped so many go to their rest. Goodnight… Painting crowds of people in silhouette on every wall in the house would probably frighten and confuse intruders. No downside. Yes, that was just a shadow you glimpsed earlier. No, it wasn’t yours. The moths probably won’t release enough dust to […]

Goodnight III

June 25, 2010

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Literally people have been asking for a fresh compilation of night-time well-wishings. Such a thing now exists, and indeed follows.     Goodnight… Earwigs make for unpleasant bedfellows, but they are as nothing to the mouthmoth and the eyespider. The feeling you have of being watched actually stems from the millions of tiny bugs currently […]