Major New Purchasing Opportunity.

October 11, 2013


Disappearances. Denial. Dubiously sourced meat. A curiously understaffed company on an English trading estate struggles to conduct business as usual after a large conurbation in the Midlands goes missing. Meanwhile, the new owners upstairs and their shiny assistant appear to be working on a project of their own. I’ve written my first full-length novel. It’s […]

Posted in: Fiction

Some so-called jokes.

February 8, 2013


A few days ago, it was three years since my first Twitter anniversary. To mark this highly significant date, here are some lies and off-colour remarks from that period. Endure. Jay-Z will always live in the shadow of his brother A, author of the best-selling ‘London’. Pharoah to hieroglyphist: “There’s no eye in team.” When […]

Posted in: Artwork, Humour, Twitter

Some of the Nice Things People have been Saying about Catbin Fever.

July 21, 2012


I reproduce here some of the nice things people have been saying about my book, Catbin Fever on Twitter, in the hope that you, the reader, will either a) know some of these people and respect their opinions, or b) become browbeaten and overwhelmed by their apparent number, and in either case, will feel inexorably […]

Posted in: Uncategorized

Bedtime Stories : Creative Drawing

April 2, 2012


My name is Judith Palmer and I don’t regret anything I’ve done. I have taught at St. Agnes Primary School for three years, and I have no intention of leaving. After this term, Jordan will no longer be in my class, and it won’t seem so strange then. When his father asks me to marry […]

Coping with Christmas.

December 1, 2011


Now that Advent is upon us, here are some valuable tips to help you to get through this difficult period. A neighbour’s Christmas card is a good way of planting their DNA at the scene of a crime, but always remember to cross your name out. It’s considered bad luck to set fire to your […]

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Posted in: Artwork, Guides, Humour

Catbin Fever.

October 29, 2011


‘You’ve all been very understanding, loves, and this book is my way of saying “thank you, now help me pay for what somebody did to Brenda’s downstairs lavatory”. Ignore the name at the top. It’s all my work, he just wrote it down. I’m sure he wasn’t even listening half the time.’ – CBL CATBIN […]

Posted in: Uncategorized

Goodnight X: Goodneighbour II – Goodneighbourer.

May 26, 2011


More simple suggestions on how to seem more like those around you.   When the new neighbours move in, give them a missing dog poster with a picture of a local dog you like. See if they can get it. Instead of “first pet” and “mother’s maiden name” banking security questions should be based on […]

Posted in: Goodnight, Humour, Twitter