Browsing All Posts filed under »Humour«

Some so-called jokes.

February 8, 2013

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A few days ago, it was three years since my first Twitter anniversary. To mark this highly significant date, here are some lies and off-colour remarks from that period. Endure. Jay-Z will always live in the shadow of his brother A, author of the best-selling ‘London’. Pharoah to hieroglyphist: “There’s no eye in team.” When […]

Bedtime Stories : Creative Drawing

April 2, 2012

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My name is Judith Palmer and I don’t regret anything I’ve done. I have taught at St. Agnes Primary School for three years, and I have no intention of leaving. After this term, Jordan will no longer be in my class, and it won’t seem so strange then. When his father asks me to marry […]

Coping with Christmas.

December 1, 2011

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Now that Advent is upon us, here are some valuable tips to help you to get through this difficult period. A neighbour’s Christmas card is a good way of planting their DNA at the scene of a crime, but always remember to cross your name out. It’s considered bad luck to set fire to your […]

Goodnight X: Goodneighbour II – Goodneighbourer.

May 26, 2011

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More simple suggestions on how to seem more like those around you.   When the new neighbours move in, give them a missing dog poster with a picture of a local dog you like. See if they can get it. Instead of “first pet” and “mother’s maiden name” banking security questions should be based on […]

Some Thoughts on Books.

May 13, 2011

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    The problem with bookshops is that nobody in them is the least bit impressed that you are buying a book. In this day and age, the purchase of literature should prompt onlookers to drop what they are doing and spontaneously applaud. At the very least, a small interview in the local paper should […]

Goodnight IX : Goodneighbour.

April 18, 2011

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More important information about blending with the community.   Get out of watering a neighbour’s houseplants by muttering things like “yeah, I’ll water them alright” and laughing to yourself. In fact, agreeing to do someone a favour in an unsettling sardonic tone will get you out of almost any task; try it next time someone […]

Goodnight VIII

March 14, 2011

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More advice from the small hours. It’s mostly about how to be a great neighbour.     When popping unwanted food through your neighbour’s door with a note saying “I couldn’t finish this”, remember to bag it first. An unsigned note through your neighbours’ doors reading “I want it back by midnight” will reveal who […]

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